Double Dose

Me again! I'll admit it, I am a terrible blogger because I never actually blog, however today y'all get a double dose of ME.

Y'all both know me enough to know that I hardly ever cry. Courtney has seen me cry twice, three times at most. Haymaker, I don't think you've seen me cry. I use to question whether I had a heart or not. I mean, I never cry so could I be heartless? After this summer I am finally able to answer that question and no, I am not heartless.

This summer was a roller coaster of emotions for me. I experienced them all. Happiness. Anger. Sadness. Joy. Between issues with friends, losing a family member, and accidents I experienced them all. Sometimes all four at once. I'm not really sure how that works but it definitely happened- and I cried. But I didn't cry when most people would have cried. Here's an example:

       Haymaker, when I got the phone call about your accident, things were not looking good and they didn't know if you would make it or not, I didn't cry. You may be thinking what the crap does she not care about me?! But I do. I care for you very much and I love you. Earlier I said [I don't cry when most people cry]. I don't think I cried the first week of your accident, but the second I knew you were going to make it I CRIED. You've had your highs and lows and it seems that every time you are in a low I don't cry but when I know you're okay I cry. I'm backwards! I would actually get frustrated at myself when I couldn't cry during your lows. I didn't understand how I could just sit there knowing you weren't doing good and yet not cry a single tear. Hence why I question if I have a heart. After drilling several people with my frustrations on why I didn't cry when I should be crying, my mom offered up a simple explanation. I have a strong heart. (I'm not trying to brag by any means. Shoot, I feel terrible just sitting there seemingly unaffected by trials when other people are crying their eyes out. I can only imagine that they are thinking I am heartless.) My mom believes that God has given me a strong heart so that I can be a pillar of strength and comfort for those around me. Obviously God is the Ultimate Comforter and He longs for us to rush to Him in hurting, but as my mom put it, God uses people to provide comfort.

I'm getting side tracked again.

Anyways. It seems like only now that I know you are going to be okay and after I have provided comfort to some people, that it is my turn to cry. Whenever I hear news of recovery- I cry. When I think about memories we have made- I cry. When I want to talk to you but I can't- I cry. When I think about the miracle God did through you-I cry. When I miss you-I cry.
I AM NOT HEARTLESS! :)!!!

I actually cried right before writing this because I wanted to talk to you so bad but I couldn't. I don't like writing things to you because it upsets me not knowing if you've seen them.

       Courtney and I miss you so much. We've been going to Wild West but it's just not the same without you! You aren't here to sing She's Like Texas with us. You aren't here to admire Courtney's new boots. You aren't here to stay up all night carrying on a conversation with. You aren't here to watch the sunrise with and stare at the stars. You aren't here for adventures.You aren't here for early morning breakfasts. We miss French Fry. We miss the way you scratch your head and make that famous Haymaker face. We miss your daydreams about hunting praire dogs and capturing one as either a pet or food. We miss how you can make anything seem so much more exciting than it really is. We miss the way you do that little hop and clap your hands with excitement. I'll admit, I miss your music (as gay as it may be sometimes)haha. Do you get it? We miss YOU! Here's a big one-- You aren't here to watch football with us. Who will I watch re-runs with? What about Raiderville? and body bags?
       Courtney and I are trying our hardest to make the most out of this but we'd really appreciate it if you'd hurry up on the recovering. There isn't a day that goes by that we don't talk about you. We want you here with us so that we can do all these things together as Woocows. We love you!

-Kalyn